Author Archives: Zelinger

I am often struck by the variety and intensity of my feelings as a parent. Try to remember back to the first time you saw your newborn child, your emotions at their Bar Mitzvah, first Communion or wedding, the peacefulness of watching them while they’re sleeping. Compare these emotions with worries about their safety, your response to their disrespect or disobedience, failing a test, or neglecting their obligations. Continue reading →

Negotiating the space between a child’s wishes and our adult boundaries is an area of significant confusion for parents and educators. All of us have heard “Why do I have to” or “it’s not fair” questions over and over again. Apparently “because” is not enough of an answer. Continue reading →

I think the dichotomy between competitive and cooperative sports has evolved primarily because of a failure to connect the divergent philosophies with the developmental, cognitive, and physical abilities of children. Both approaches are necessary components of adult life, and children need to learn when and where they’re appropriate. Continue reading →

The use of rewards as a means of encouraging our children to behave properly or be productive has been referred to as a “carrot and stick” approach to parenting or teaching. At its most basic, the instruction becomes an “If you do this, then I will give you that”, and conversely, “if you don’t do this you won’t get that”. Continue reading →

“I’m bored” is an expression that many parents and teachers hear all too often. In ancient times, when I was a child, my parents’ response to my boredom was simple, “Why are you telling me?” or if I was more insistent, “ Go bang your head against a wall “. Continue reading →

The fact that not all children are born equal is a reality that causes a number of concerns for parents of families with multiple children. Competitions over academic performance, size, number of friends, athletic prowess, and a never ending list of other attributes are common place and often difficult to manage. Continue reading →

The world around us is in the midst of extraordinary change. The very fabric of our day-to-day lives is being altered in ways that we never would have imagined. Television and computer use, forces that dominate over 60% of our children’s recreational time, are filled with images of war and violence, high levels of sexual content, ongoing acts of terrorism, and day to day pictures of real people dying and being injured. Continue reading →

The unfolding of the school year brings with it a number of issues, which can influence the quality of family life. Homework, projects, studying for tests, waking up to catch the bus, and a host of other “student“ responsibilities, for one reason or another become the focal point of family conflicts. Continue reading →

“I’m not worried about your grades; I only care that you did the best you could.“ This statement in one form or another occurs with amazing frequency in most families. Strangely, many children seem not to believe the words, and instead interpret them to mean that they must get higher grades. Continue reading →

Loving parents, as a group, share the hope that their children will grow up to be self-confident, responsible, and hard working adults. We’ve been told by educators and assorted mental health practitioners since the 1950’s that praise, reinforcement, and rewards for success are the forces that will create this positive trajectory. Continue reading →