Category Archives: Fred’s Articles

Families searching to understand their child’s inappropriate behavior are often blocked from solutions by the effort to establish blame. Determining whose fault it is often controlled by inaccurate information, biased explanations, emotionally charged thinking, a child’s history and possibly, a sophisticated protagonist (among other possibilities). Continue reading →

The other day two parents complained to me about how their child just doesn’t listen to them. They described a number of approaches that they had tried, that just weren’t working. Threatening, take-aways, time-outs, bribes, yelling, and even an occasional “potch” all proved to be repeatedly ineffective, yet were still continuously in use. Continue reading →

Parent and school responses to the performance of children serve as a powerful force in the development of motivation, perseverance, confidence, and deeper feelings of self-worth. For many of us, 100’s on report cards and tests, home runs or great plays in Little League, and a house full of friends and numerous playdates, are a source of great pride and satisfaction. Continue reading →

In my prior article, “Loving Parenting”, I raised the question as to why we are more at ease and more effective when managing other people’s children than our own. It seems that when we take “love” out of the equation, we are better able to utilize more rational and problem solving approaches to management, and that children are more able to identify rules and conform to expectations. Continue reading →

The words “I’ve tried everything”, “I’m running out of patience”, “They just won’t listen” and “It’s “easy for you to be calm, you don’t live with them”, are statements I hear frequently. The frustration and inadequacy we experience when our children continually misbehave affects all of us; in fact, it affects the entire family. Continue reading →

Social skill development has its origins in the social interactions of family life. Like most skills, the forces of practice, modeling, coaching, reinforcement, consequences, making mistakes and problem solving, are involved in improving one’s performance. How then as parents, can we provide our children with the opportunity to model and practice the skills needed for social success? Continue reading →

I am often struck by the variety and intensity of my feelings as a parent. Try to remember back to the first time you saw your newborn child, your emotions at their Bar Mitzvah, first Communion or wedding, the peacefulness of watching them while they’re sleeping. Compare these emotions with worries about their safety, your response to their disrespect or disobedience, failing a test, or neglecting their obligations. Continue reading →

Negotiating the space between a child’s wishes and our adult boundaries is an area of significant confusion for parents and educators. All of us have heard “Why do I have to” or “it’s not fair” questions over and over again. Apparently “because” is not enough of an answer. Continue reading →

I think the dichotomy between competitive and cooperative sports has evolved primarily because of a failure to connect the divergent philosophies with the developmental, cognitive, and physical abilities of children. Both approaches are necessary components of adult life, and children need to learn when and where they’re appropriate. Continue reading →

The use of rewards as a means of encouraging our children to behave properly or be productive has been referred to as a “carrot and stick” approach to parenting or teaching. At its most basic, the instruction becomes an “If you do this, then I will give you that”, and conversely, “if you don’t do this you won’t get that”. Continue reading →